The Stunted Step, Thrown In Towels & Peace

You’re probably wondering about this crazy title and how these things could possibly be related. Stay with me, there’s a method to my madness…

Year around, we celebrate various holidays, birthdays, graduations and other milestones, etc. and it always makes my heart heavy knowing that there are people out there who are not as happy as some on those days. The truth of the matter is that life is not fun and happy for everyone. Stepparents are among those groups of people who don’t always feel like they have a blessed and highly favored life.

 The Stunted Step – Step Parenting is such a sticky topic, because in many cases, no one expects the step-parent to have feelings and be a real person. I can speak about this, because I am a step mom to 3 amazing young ladies. And while my life has not been the absolute worst when it comes to this, there have been enough challenges. I thank God for the relationship I’ve always had with them as well as their mom. I affectionately call her my Baby Momma. J  The fact that she’s allowed me to share in the lives of these young women, throughout their lives has been a true blessing.

Then there are the low moments. Moments I’ve never really shared with anyone, because I’m supposed to don a cape and be a super – everything right? Not so much. I’ve always struggled with rejection. If I were a superhero, that would definitely be my kryptonite. It’s because of this that family events are not always easy. It’s hard to find your place as a stepparent; It sometimes seems that you’re important only when something needs to be done, when money is needed or when one of the biological parents can’t do something… Like you’re a last resort. It’s very difficult, because in spite of when you’re actually acknowledged, you’ve been there the entire time; like a silent spectator, an invisible person, who barely exists. I call the Stepparent a ‘stunted step, because anytime something is isolated from a source or cut off,  the growth is slowed down or halted. And it makes a person feel inadequate. You take the good when you can and you pray through the bad. Some of the time, you’re going along to get along. Especially when your marriage takes a back seat. Bam, there it is. The thing that some Christian stepparents won’t say. I can only speak about my experiences, but I know someone else has experienced this type of pain. You can’t really get in where you fit in; because it seems like you’re the square in the midst of a bunch of perfect circles. You truly have to rely on the power of God to pull you through these moments.

Thrown Towel

Even still, I’m grateful for those experiences. But will anyone keep it real and agree that there are times when life is so cruel, when the people who ‘love’ you hurt you… on purpose. When things happen that aren’t your fault, but you’re blamed anyway.. When you just want to gather up every towel you have and just throw them all in??? You may have a perfect life, all is well, or things never get to a point when you want to give up; but for some of us, we contemplate giving up at least once a week! Or so it seems… Seriously though. I’ve learned that throwing in the towel leaves a bunch of what ifs, would could have, should have or would have happened questions. It resolves nothing and more than anything, the issues that you have are still there.. If you give up, If I give up, it’s like slapping God in the face and denying him the power to work in our lives.

I’m preaching to myself: Don’t give up.. It’s easier said than done. But it’s easier than you think. It’s taking a stand that you will allow God to have the issues, that you will let him be God. He knows how to fight the battle better than we ever could. And in the midst of it all, he’ll give you peace if you’ll receive it. As hard as it is to stop thinking about and focusing on the things that cause you the most pain, focusing on the love that God has for you can release the peace that God has for you.

I’m not just saying this; God promises this. ‘And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’. Philippians 4:7. Our inheritance doesn’t diminish because of what we go through, and when we fail to focus on who and whose we are, we lose the joy that comes with being in fellowship with God.


Stay connected.





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