So Conceited

Recently, a friend of mine joked at a comment I made about a blemish on my face.. I said I wanted my skin to look perfect, we laughed and I was told “You’re so conceited”. Although the statement was made as a joke, it took me back to a time where I really WAS conceited.

DictionaryConceited

While I was growing up, I was super spoiled, the only girl and the youngest. My dad placed me up on a pedestal and set me up to believe I was very important, a princess, black royalty; all things that a father should do; until you think you’re better than everyone else and come to expect that treatment from everyone, all the time. I got away with a lot, until my mom got fed up. 🙄 I played sides and did what I had to do to get my way. But when I was a teen mom, feeling disgraced, the sting of shame (See a previous blog (Black Sheep); When I was in college in an abusive relationship, or when I’ve gone through some of my hardest challenges as an adult in recent years, I used conceit as a blanket to disguise pain, grief and fear. I fronted as if all was well.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that the mask started coming off. I was tired of cycles in my life. As with any deep issue, the symptoms show before the root of the issue is exposed. I asked God to reveal some things about myself to me… It was not cute. But it helped me to face the things that kept me hiding behind masks of who I thought I had to be. I wanted people to think I had it together and that I was ok. I wanted people to think the very best of me, and looked for affirmation from others. I didn’t even consider that I was dealing with other broken people and that they could never affirm me. I presented myself well, but as we all know, all that glitters isn’t gold. Makeup only conceals the top layer of our skin. .

So how do you come back down from your pedestal? The bible says in Romans 12:16 ‘Be of the same mind one toward another. Set not your mind on high things, but condescend (to come down from, submit) to things that are lowly. Be not wise in your own conceits.’ ESV. Pride is a major issue for so many of us. We think we are able to deal with whatever we’re going through, because we are selfishly dealing with things on our own terms. But pride and conceit, makes you forget that you have a perfect God who can deal with any issue you face. You ultimately have to change the way you think. If we are admonished to not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds, It must be the key to every change that we need to make.

Trusting God, making him a priority and honoring him as number one in your life allows you to see things from His perspective. The Holy Spirit can open your eyes and help you get down from that high place.

Do you need to examine Pride in your life? Are you conceited?

Black Sheep

Black Sheep

The worst thing in the world is to be a part of a family that you feel like you’ve failed. That’s exactly where I found myself 28 years ago when I finally had to fess up to being pregnant. I was 16, a junior in High School. I had a plan, dreams, goals and in just a few months, those would be altered. I tried everything to make all of it go away. I met with someone from The Children’s Home Society, I tried abortion – couldn’t, I was told I was too close to the 20 week mark… I was a baby having a baby. Everyday all I could see was the utter disgust and disappointment of my biggest fan club, my parents. When you’re the only girl and youngest of a family with 3 boys, you likely have had life handed to you, the spoilage was REAL. But this was something I wasn’t cute enough to get out of; something I couldn’t pout my way out of. I messed up bad. I was absolutely the Black Sheep of the family.

The shame of my pregnancy nearly crushed me, so for a long time, I hid it from whomever I could. I continued to march in the band, work at Walmart Snack Bar (Hey.. this was the early 90’s). I even thought I would still have my ‘coming out’ and participate in the Debutante Ball… Not a chance. This and the rejection of family, friends and church people that had known me all my life was like the nail in a coffin. I felt like life was over. The thing about being a Black Sheep, is that you kinda stand out without really trying. You are either someone that people run from, or someone that people tried to get close to… Somehow, I was neither. I just didn’t fit, period. I’ve ALWAYS struggled with rejection and this was a beginning point, the root of it all.

Fast forward to present day, our oldest, the son of my youth is an awesome 27 year old young man, who wows me everyday with his words of wisdom, his weekly new music drops (He’s a rapper y’all: Check Him Out.) I’m so proud of who he is becoming. My parents, though disappointed, supported me through college and just life in general and I’m so grateful for that. But because I never dealt with the rejection and self hate, those things continued to plague me as time went on.

The Spirit of Rejection has destroyed so many lives and hold so many people captive. Until we realize that our worth is not about the things we’ve done, the challenges we’ve endured, not what people think of us, but WHO GOD SAYS WE ARE, we will not be able to fulfill God’s plan for our lives. I didn’t have a healthy grasp of this growing up. So It took me years to forgive myself and allow God to change my perception of myself. My being set apart was preparation for what God is currently doing in my life. I still feel left out at times; not chosen, not invited, not mentioned, overlooked… BUT GOD. I know there’s someone reading this that feels the exact same way. Don’t despair; He’s kept us hidden for such a time as this.

Romans 8: 15-16 says For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God”  The Strongman of Rejection can no longer overpower us! We no longer have to succumb to that dark power. God has accepted us through the blood of Jesus and we are HIS! Join me in casting down the lies the Spirit of Rejection tells us by:

  • Renouncing rejection. Know your identity. Study the Word of God for the Truth of who you are.
  • Asking God to help you get over the need to be accepted by people.
  • Stop seeking revenge on the people who have rejected you. God is our vindicator and he allows some rejection to keep you away from things and people you don’t need in your life. Every NO isn’t rejection!

I pray all Black Sheep will rise and be the incredible people that God created you to be. Be encouraged: For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18