Tag: grief

Surviving The Holidays😔🎄

On By Tanisha TaylorIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

3 days till Christmas.. There’s a flurry of activity; Trees are up, or being purchased, light bills are increasing because of the myriad of lights in most neighborhoods. Treats that are reserved for this season are being made and children everywhere are reminding their parents of their wish lists.

But not everyone is happy about this season or life in general. So many people, including myself, are struggling to find joy in this season.

If I’m honest, I’ve had many moments of overwhelming loneliness and grief. This season is usually the absolute worst, because there are so many memories and things that my mind veers to. 2020 nearly crushed me. It was more than the rise of the pandemic. I lost majorly that year. Not only was my divorce final that January, but my mom passed away that July. I lost church family and extended family. I felt like I couldn’t get a break. The pandemic created so much disruption and prompted isolation. I had time and more time to actively grieve and try to heal.

This is the first holiday season since 2020 that I have somewhat embraced. I have been deliberately looking for joy. I have tried to consider and be grateful for everything I have left, for how God continually blesses me in spite of what or who I’ve lost. I try to consciously remember that this season is also about kindness, sharing, giving hope others and expectation. I also understand that these things can be very elusive when grief has been a constant in your life.

A memory here, something triggering there, the tug of family or friends to do this thing, go to this event, the pressure to show up when you really don’t feel like being bothered, or you just want to sit in moment… it can all be very overbearing.

A few things that have helped me navigate this season that I hope help you:

  • Feel what you are feeling. Don’t ignore or try to minimize your emotions. It’s ok to face what you feel.
  • Be honest about the season. It may be difficult and very different from what you were used to.
  • Be grateful. Gratefulness has a way of refocusing your thoughts and reshaping your perspective.
  • Don’t just ghost everyone. Communicate with others and let them know if you won’t be participating in various activities. There are people that care about you, even if you’d rather not be around them for a period of time.
  • Create new memories as your work through your grief.
  • Don’t over commit as a means to stay busy. Save your energy for the things that really matter.
  • Don’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you how you should grieve or what you should be doing during the holidays.
  • Do things that are meaningful to you. It’s okay to find joy in the absence of a loved one or during a change of life.
  • Grieve well. Heal well. Your process will not look like anyone else’s. Take the time you need.

A note: I stopped several times while writing this. It was tough. How in the world can I encourage someone through a season that is still tough for me? But I couldn’t allow anyone to think they were dealing with this alone. My prayer is that God will continue to give you grace for this season and beyond. I pray you receive evidence of God’s tangible love for you. I pray that you give yourself time to grieve, time to reflect, time to accept and time to LIVE.

Blessings to you and a joyous holiday season.

2020, the Sucker Punch & the Recovery

On By Tanisha TaylorIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

You’d have to be living on another planet to state the claim that you haven’t been affected in this year. We all came into this year proclaiming ‘It’s the year of perfect vision’, not knowing that we would definitely see some things that we’ve never seen. Everything started well…. But before the first quarter was over… A sucker punch we weren’t expecting: Corona. It made its way into our lives and changed everything. It nearly shut down the economy; closed almost everything, hindered travel and changed the way we do life… I’m sure you don’t need the reminder.

On the eve of New Year’s Eve, I can’t help but reflect on all of the loss that permeated our lives this year. Relationships ended, I watched people in my circle suffer because of CoCoRona (I have to make light of it somehow), whether economic loss or loss of family or friends. Then my own world was completely shattered on July 11th, when my superhero, my prototype of the Proverbs 31 woman – My mom – passed away. I struggled looking back and saw moments that I regret not traveling (against public policies) to see her a few more times; taking for granted that she’d be around when the smoke cleared. It’s been so hard. I’m struggling right now as I type to share these thoughts with you.

I can’t begin to tell you how taken aback I was when my son Chris called me with the news. In that moment, I couldn’t think about anything else that had ever happened in my life. I could only think about the fact that the very first person who ever loved me was gone. And even though it was NOT Covid related, it was a shock nonetheless. If I’d never been sucker punched, (And I have, but that’s a blog for a different day), this punch nearly wiped me out. I was driving when the call came through and literally don’t even remember getting home, let alone having the strength to call my siblings and other family members. If I didn’t know about the grace of God, I definitely got a fully intimate reminder that day and weeks to come.

For whoever didn’t know, a sucker punch is a to punch (a person) suddenly without warning and often without apparent provocation. I was definitely provoked. I wasn’t mad at God. I was just overwhelmed. Death is a part of life, but I’m fairly certain that at some point in my life, I prayed that all of my family died together so none of us would feel the sting of grief. Unrealistic, I know. But have we really been taught how to deal with grief, regardless of where it stems from?

How exactly do you recover from blow after blow in a year like this? In my time of study, meditation and begging God to tell me why why why this year has been filled with so much anguish, I found some interesting information about dealing with grief. Grief is universal. There’s not one formula for how to deal with it. The stages of grief have been listed as Denial* Anger* Bargaining* Depression* and Acceptance. But real life doesn’t follow a certain timeline or order; it’s just not that neat. Even Jesus chose to grieve when he knew the final outcome of Lazarus’ death (John 11:35). These are just a few ways that could help with grief as we ‘forget those things which are behind and reach for the things that are ahead‘:

  • Change your perspective about grief: It’s a natural response to pain and loss. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long YOUR grieving process should take. Just don’t get stuck in an unhealthy cycle of grief and depression. Seek help if you do. Counseling is NOT TABOO!
  • Grief can serve as a purpose to refresh our outlook on life, to stop taking life and the people in it for granted. Ecclesiastes 7:2 implies this principle.
  • The feelings of grief are temporary. It may seem that we hurt and long for what we lost forever, but the Word declares in Psalm 30:5 that ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning’. As with anything that God allows, grief has a LIMIT.
  • The greatest thing to remember that God never abandons us during grief. He always provides love, hope and GRACE. When my sis-in-love told me that God would give me a special grace to handle the events leading up to Mom’s funeral, I believed her, but didn’t know how it would play out. I thought I’d fall apart when initially viewing her at the funeral home, BUT GOD. I thought I wouldn’t make it through her funeral… But my shy self was able to address everyone… Only by the Grace of God.

My prayer for you (And me) is that we allow God to continue working in and THROUGH us. I pray that you give all of your sorrow to God. Let him manage all of your pain and everything that seems insurmountable. I’ve said it before and I’ll add more to it before I take it back: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE STRONG. That’s what God is for. It’s a real thing to cast your cares on Him. I didn’t think I’d survive the long week in Smithfield, NC. A lot of us didn’t know how we’d get through 2020. This has been a LONG year in terms of the drama and foolery of life during the pandemic. But if you’re reading this, guess what? WE’RE STILL HERE. If that’s not a reason to give God praise, I don’t know what is.

Go into 2021 knowing that God has gone before us, and He is able to keep us.

Happy New Year Fam!