3 days till Christmas.. There’s a flurry of activity; Trees are up, or being purchased, light bills are increasing because of the myriad of lights in most neighborhoods. Treats that are reserved for this season are being made and children everywhere are reminding their parents of their wish lists.

But not everyone is happy about this season or life in general. So many people, including myself, are struggling to find joy in this season.

If I’m honest, I’ve had many moments of overwhelming loneliness and grief. This season is usually the absolute worst, because there are so many memories and things that my mind veers to. 2020 nearly crushed me. It was more than the rise of the pandemic. I lost majorly that year. Not only was my divorce final that January, but my mom passed away that July. I lost church family and extended family. I felt like I couldn’t get a break. The pandemic created so much disruption and prompted isolation. I had time and more time to actively grieve and try to heal.

This is the first holiday season since 2020 that I have somewhat embraced. I have been deliberately looking for joy. I have tried to consider and be grateful for everything I have left, for how God continually blesses me in spite of what or who I’ve lost. I try to consciously remember that this season is also about kindness, sharing, giving hope others and expectation. I also understand that these things can be very elusive when grief has been a constant in your life.

A memory here, something triggering there, the tug of family or friends to do this thing, go to this event, the pressure to show up when you really don’t feel like being bothered, or you just want to sit in moment… it can all be very overbearing.

A few things that have helped me navigate this season that I hope help you:

• Feel what you are feeling. Don’t ignore or try to minimize your emotions. It’s ok to face what you feel.
• Be honest about the season. It may be difficult and very different from what you were used to.
• Be grateful. Gratefulness has a way of refocusing your thoughts and reshaping your perspective.
• Don’t just ghost everyone. Communicate with others and let them know if you won’t be participating in various activities. There are people that care about you, even if you’d rather not be around them for a period of time.
• Create new memories as your work through your grief.
• Don’t over commit as a means to stay busy. Save your energy for the things that really matter.
• Don’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you how you should grieve or what you should be doing during the holidays.
• Do things that are meaningful to you. It’s okay to find joy in the absence of a loved one or during a change of life.
• Grieve well. Heal well. Your process will not look like anyone else’s. Take the time you need.

A note: I stopped several times while writing this. It was tough. How in the world can I encourage someone through a season that is still tough for me? But I couldn’t allow anyone to think they were dealing with this alone. My prayer is that God will continue to give you grace for this season and beyond. I pray you receive evidence of God’s tangible love for you. I pray that you give yourself time to grieve, time to reflect, time to accept and time to LIVE.

Blessings to you and a joyous holiday season.